Nov 30

Hello. Mark is hanging in there. He hasn't been out of bed except to use the restroom in the last week. We did not go to the Cancer Center for treatment today. He has decided to stop treatments. Hospice has been out and visited with us. They have gotten a more intense dose of pain medication from Dr. Farmer in an attempt to make Mark more comfortable so that he doesn't experience much pain. He hasn't eaten anything to mention in the last week either. He asked for some sushi for lunch and we were all impressed. Kathy and I went out in search of sushi today. Of course, Juliana Tokyos, Shoguns and Mandarin House were all closed. We drove to South College and tried Fuji and the sushi was really good there. We spread it all out across our bed and Kathy, Brent, Matt, Mark and I all had a sushi picnic this afternoon. It was kind of fun.

Mark has been progressively getting weaker and losing weight. He is having difficulty this afternoon holding his water glass up to drink which is new.

Mark hasn't gotten up and out of bed for most of the week. He can't tolerate much noise, light or motion. Calen came back last night and sat with his dad and they talked about baseball tryouts and just visited. After Calen went to bed, Mark told me he wanted to start talking with the kids tonight to start saying his goodbyes to them. He cried when he talked about Emily because he said that she wouldn't even remember him when she grew up. It just kills me to have to go through this. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want the kids to have to say goodbye. I'd rather scream or punch something, but of course that doesn't change things. I know that God has a reason, but I feel selfish and want to keep Mark here with me.

Please continue to pray for Mark and all of those battling this illness. Pray for the Parker family who is going back to MD Anderson this week for another round of tests. As always, God bless!!!!!

Nov 27

Hello. I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. Sorry for the long absense in posts. Mark hasn't been doing well. He has been in bed for 3 days straight and hasn't been well at all. He didn't eat anything during that time as well. Dr. Farmer called to check on Mark and decided to send Hospice out. They haven't been here yet as it was right before Thanksgiving. They may be here today. Mark managed to get up for Thanksgiving and sat at the table for approximately an hour. He was up a little bit during the day yesterday and we got to listen to funny stories about his childhood told by his brother Matt and his parents. Mostly about their different pets and such, but we laughed and it was fun. Mark was totally worn out and slept good. He is really hurting today and can't eat or get up again today. I think today is the worst day I've seen him have yet. He doesn't want me to even touch him. It is a very helpless feeling.

The kids went to the Auburn/Alabama game. Once again, I gave up my ticket so as not to break tradition. I've given it up every year since we've moved to Auburn now. There was no way I could leave Mark today. The kids took their cousins Chris (who is in college) and Katie who is a High Schooler. Their uncle Matt also went with them.

Dr. Farmer talked like she may stop by the house Saturday or Sunday to talk with Mark. We will see. He is supposed to have an appointment Monday to be infused, but I doubt we make it in Monday the way things are going now.

God bless!!!!!!

Nov 19

Hello again. Things have improved in the Bertus house. Mark is feeling better. The fevers seem to have gone for now. Mark ran a low grade fever later yesterday, but hasn't had any today, so I think the antibiotic is working for him. He felt like getting up and about today and he went to lunch with his parents and sister at Juliana Tokyos. He ate a little sushi, but had to be careful not to overeat. He did pretty good with the meal and felt okay until late afternoon and started having some stomach issues and had to lay in bed for several hours. He skipped dinner, but is up and about again now and seems to be feeling better again. We have plans to go see the movie Blind Side tomorrow if Mark is feeling up to it. Can't wait.

The kids and I have all gotten our H1N1 vaccine. Mark decided he didn't want to get one. He's just not been feeling great. Brent and Kathy took the boys to Auburn University today to get theirs done, so we are all officially vaccinated.

Calen has been busy working out for baseball tryouts. He's been doing a lot of extra after school activities and staying busy. This weekend he will go to Callaway Gardens and do the March of Dimes walk through the Fantasy of Lights with the St. Michaels youth group. Colton is gearing up for basketball. His first official practice will be Dec 4th. Emily had her Auburn/Alabama tailgate party at school today. They did it early since next week will be short at school. We made cookies and they had a big celebration. She wore her Auburn cheerleader outfit to school today.

We continue to take things one day at a time. We pray that tomorrow will be a good day for Mark and that his body will continue to heal itself. We look for God's direction and pray for his mercy. Please remember the Parker family, Marie Hoffman and all those fighting cancer out there. God bless!!!!!

Nov 18

Hello to all. Mark had an awful night last night. I woke around 2:30 am with the sound of his teeth chattering and looked over to see him shaking uncontrollably. He wasn't feverish at that time, but I knew it was coming. He was freezing cold and covered up with every blanket possible and just couldn't quit shivering. About 30 minutes later, he was burning up with fever and had spiked a temp of 102.5. I had 2 antibiotic pills here, so I gave him one of them and some Tylenol to break the fever. He was better around 5:30 and the fever was gone, but he felt like crap and was having a lot of pain. We changed out the pain patch, but he continued to have a lot of pain today. I planned on just staying home from work today and having them cancel my patients, but Mark insisted that he would be okay and that his mom and sister were here with him, so I went to work even though it was hard to leave him like that. I was also quite exhausted from being up last night. I called Dr. Farmer's office about the fever and to let them know I gave him the antibiotic. They called in a Rx for more antibiotics and if he is still running fever by the end of the week, they need to know. He's been having some urinary symptoms so I don't know if that is the source of the infection or not. He hasn't been coughing or having any breathing problems. The shaking chill leads you to believe it is bacterial and not viral.

The tumors in Mark's belly continue to give him pain. I rub his belly in the evening time and there is a very large tumor much larger than a grapefruit in the center of his abdomen. It just has to be miserable for him.

Mark's sister Eugenie is here from Austin and will stay until just before Thanksgiving and Matt (Mark's twin) and Shaun (Mark's older brother) will be here for Thanksgiving. Shaun will be bringing his 3 children and the kids are excited to see their cousins. They are high school and college age.

Thanks to the Slammers families for dinner Tuesday night and last Tuesday night. It was very good and we appreciate all of your love and support. Colton got his basketball team assignment tonight and it looked like a mini Slammers team. He was excited to see Carson and Jackson's names on his team roster.

We continue to pray for healing in Mark's body. We certainly haven't gotten great news lately, but Mark hasn't given up and we haven't given up on him either. It is difficult seeing him suffer and have so much pain. Cancer is such an awful disease and I wish there were a cure for all those out there suffering with this illness. Please remember Mark in your prayers as well as all those out there fighting this disease. Remember Carly Parker and the Parker family as well as Marie Hoffman. God bless!!!!!!

Nov 16

Hello. We spent the morning and half the afternoon in the infusion center today. Mark had his blood drawn and we planned to use the CEA to help determine his treatment plan for today, but the lab machine was broken that runs the CEA lab. We met with Dr Farmer and discussed things. Dr Farmer went over the three plans of action with us. First, provided the CEA stabilized we can stay with the Vectibix and ride it out as long as we can. Second, we switch therapy and try the FOLFOX with Avastin as a last ditch effort. She isn't convinced it will work and thinks it's only a 5% chance at best of success. Third, we can stop treatment and put Mark on hospice. Usually there would be an option for clinical trials, but unfortunately there aren't any trials nationwide for Mark to get into right now. That just goes to show you that we need a lot more money put into cancer research. The drugs and cures aren't here and neither are the trials going on to find the cure. It's really a helpless feeling. Since the marker wasn't back yet and Mark was feeling pretty good and his weight was up 1 lb to 162, we opted to give him the Vectibix again today. He got infused without any complications. This one really doesn't make him sick at all or give him side effects except for the acne rash, so all being said it wasn't a bad trade off. His magnesium was low again, which required a 2 hour magnesium infusion and kept us there until around 3pm.

After returning home, we got an email from Dr. Farmer with Mark's CEA coming back at 588. It wasn't great news for sure,but was actually somewhat better than I had expected. We didn't publish Mark's last CEA which was 473 and that was 5 days after his last treatment of the Erbitux and Camptosar and just before his first Vectibix infusion. It really skyrocketed in those 5 days, so only going up 115 points in 2 weeks wasn't devastating. Dr. Farmer will do another CEA in 2 weeks when we return for treatment and depending on that number, we will either get another Vectibix or go back to the FOLFOX with Avastin. The FOLFOX likely will make Mark a little sick, but HOPEFULLY will lower the CEA and start treating the cancer again after a long time of letting it grow uncontrollably.

The boys and I had another talk about Mark's illness after mass Sunday. We got out of the car and took a little walk at Cary Woods school just to get some fresh air. It is really tough for them. Colton asked me before bed that night "why can't I just have a normal life?". It was really hard. My heart aches for them. He says he needs his dad here to teach him things and he is right. I just told him to pray and we will see what happens, but God has a plan for all of our lives and his plan may not always be what our plan is.

Please continue to lift Mark up in prayer as always. We are hopeful that something will work although the options don't look great right now. Remember the Parker family in your prayers as well as Marie Hoffman who is having surgery this week. God bless!!!!!

Nov 11

Hello to all. It's been a while since I've posted. Mark is hanging in there. He seems to have qute a bit of pain, but doesn't want to admit it, so he just stays quiet and withdraws. He will sometimes stay in the bedroom most of the day just laying in bed. He is just tired and weak and worn out, but continues to fight. He is still doing pretty well with his eating. He tries to graze and will do good for a day or two and then have a day where he hardly eats anything. It is frustrating for him and for us to sit and watch. He wants to feel better and we want to help him, so we all feel a bit frustrated. We go back for chemo on Monday. We will see how things look then.

Mark made it out to Calen's football banquet Monday night. It was just over an hour and was quite an outing for him. He had a hard time finding something to put on as all of his clothes are HUGE on him now. Tomorrow night is Colton's end of the year football party, so I'm not sure he'll be up for that one. We will see.

Thanks to all of you who continue to support us. Your words, cards and letters are very welcome and comforting. So many of you have touched our lives in ways that will forever change us. God has brought us so many special friends into our lives and we thank all of you for that. Please continue to lift Mark up in prayer. I ask that you continue to remember Carly Parker in your prayers also. There is one more special request tonight. I met a very special lady today who I believe was brought to me by God, for her messages were so touching and she is such a witness of God. She was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and will be having surgery next week to remove the mass. She has already battled and beat stage 4 breast cancer and is quite the warrior and a true believer in God's healing power. Please remember Marie Hoffman in your prayers during her cancer battle. God bless!!!!

Nov 5

Hello and good evening to all. It has been a rather uneventful day. Mark seems to be doing okay. That is to say, he is holding his own. He still has pain and his stomach cramps a lot when he tries to eat, so the eating becomes a problem. He is trying hard to constantly "graze" on food instead of eating big meals and hopefully that will help. We are trying to fill him with every calorie we can get in him. He tries so hard. His mom constantly gives him back rubs to help with the pain and I rub his belly. You can feel the tumors now. They are pretty solid and I can't image what they must feel like to him having them intertwined with the intestines.

Mark's father has been busy helping the boys with their baseball. He takes Calen to hit at the batting cages and works on pitching with Colton and the boys are enjoying having him here to help. He is also becoming quite the taxi as the kids have multiple activities to get to and from.

Yesterday was Andy's 50th birthday, so we had reason to celebrate in the Bertus household. Mark sent me on a mission to decorate Andy's office door the night before and then we had dinner and a cookie cake with a party hat (compliments of Emily). We sat and watched the World Series (I'm pretty sure I slept through the end of it). It was a good evening and we enjoyed getting to spend some time with Andy on his birthday. I will try to post those pictures on facebook soon.

This chemo will be given every 2 weeks, so Mark's next infusion will be Nov 16th. We hope and pray that things will improve. If they don't look favorable, Dr. Farmer agreed to try the FOLFOX regimen once more. She doesn't feel it will be effective, but for whatever reason, every fiber of my being feels that it will work this time. It worked for so long before and it was only when Mark developed that allergy did it start puttering out. He has been off of it for nearly a year now, so he is naive to it for that long and it just may work again. Maybe I'm just grabbing for a lifeline, but I really feel strongly that we should try it. I have felt this way since Mark's surgery was aborted. In fact, I wanted to go straight back to FOLFOX instead of having to try the Erbitux stuff. I know I'm very opinionated, but I can't help it. I do fully trust Dr. Farmer. She has been very open and honest with us from the beginning and has said that she would try this if we want to do it. For now, I am waiting to see what the Vectibix does.

Once again thanks for all the prayers and support. We are very comforted to know that so many of you think of us and pray for us often. Please continue the prayers and remember Carly Parker and her family in your prayers as she is in remission now-pray that she remains cancer free. God bless!!!!!!!

Nov 3

Hello again. We made it to the Cancer Center this morning. We were thinking that we were set as far as blood work being done and that we'd just be a go with getting infused, but we were wrong. Mark got blood work drawn again and we had to wait on results (which is fine). His magnesium was low again which required another IV magnesium infusion before the treatment could start. Dr. Farmer also wanted to meet with us to discuss the treatment again and answer any questions. We are unsure that this is the right thing to do and she is as well, but it is our last option so we must try it. I know I sounded down on it the last blog or two. It is extremely similar to Erbitux which he took with the last chemo that didn't work and they are giving this as monotherapy, but Andrea (Mark's chemo nurse) said that she has had patients who failed Erbitux as Mark had and who responded to the Vectibix and that was what I needed to hear today. It gave me the hope I needed as I need so much to feel like we are helping Mark instead of letting the cancer take over. Mark's weight was down another pound to 161 from 162 last Thursday. That was not a great sign since we skipped the chemo and he still lost weight.

Mark tolerated the infusion well. He got sleepy because of the Benadryl they give him to prevent drug reactions. He came home this afternoon and slept. His stomach has been upset some tonight and he's been hurting some. He tried to eat the best he could, but it is really hard for him.

I was in the car listening to the radio and Rascal Flatts' song My Wish came on. It is the song I dedicated to my 3 children long before Mark got sick with cancer. It made me so sad and I had to cry as part of the verse is "your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, you never have to carry more than you can hold". That was so what I wished for my children and here they are facing stage 4 colon cancer in their 37 year old father. I wish somehow I could take the worry and pain away from the children, but that is impossible. I know that this is all part of God's plan and we have to journey through these tough times and look to him for direction and guidance. It is a true test of faith as you hand it all over to the Lord. (I am still human and the tears still flow).

Thanks so much to all of you who continue to pray for Mark and offer support to us in so many ways. We appreciate you more than you know. Please continue to keep Mark in your prayers as always. Remember Carly Parker in your prayers as well. God bless!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nov 2

Hello to all. We did not go in to the Cancer Center today for Mark to get infused. We found out Friday late in the afternoon that the pharmacy didn't have enough drug to infuse Mark and would have to order more which meant a Tuesday infusion. I felt bad for Dottie who does the scheduling at our office. She had just rescheduled my patients for Monday and then I show up Monday morning telling her I need to be off Tuesday. She smiled at me and started bringing in Tuesdays patients today for me to see. She is such a gem. She has done so much for me during this time I cannot even begin to tell you.

Mark seems to be doing a little better. It was nice having the time off of chemo. He didn't have the vomiting and nausea all weekend and was actually able to eat some. He woke this morning in more pain than I've ever seen him in. He was moaning out loud and just couldn't move. I got him pain pills and we changed his pain patch early. I just laid next to him and held his hand. It is really a helpless feeling. I eventually had to leave for work and his parents stayed with him. I checked on him at lunch and he was much better. It is so hard trying to work and having Mark be so sick. It just tears me up.

Mark wasn't feeling well enough for Trick-or-Treat. He stayed home and didn't even get up to hand out candy. I took Emily out who dressed up as Cinderella. She was so funny this year. She had a great time in the neighborhood. She got scared at a couple of haunted houses and we tried to avoid the scary stuff. Colton changed his mind about his costume at the last minute and dressed in his Slammers baseball uniform and went out with a bunch of his friends. Calen was too old to go out for candy, so he stayed behind and handed out candy. He's such a sweetie. I took a lot of pictures and put them on my facebook page.

I talked with both the boys about Mark's previous chemo regimen not working and that we were switching to something new. I was also honest in telling them that this was the last thing approved to treat dad's cancer. They were both quiet and didn't say much. I think they understand the situation. Emily will be harder to talk with. All she's ever known is her dad being sick. She sits and makes him get well cards all the time. She is really sweet.

We leave for the Cancer Center in the morning. Pray that Mark's cancer will respond to the Vectibix. We could really use some good news. Remember Carly Parker in your prayers as well. God bless!!!!